FIRST THOUGHT..... -ish, kinda?
So i created this profile, to gather my thoughts together in the time of distress. From my own perspective, i'm a narcissist, yet at the same time, have low self-esteem, depressed, lonely, desperate, and also lazy. At times, i lost track of thoughts in the middle of a mental breakdown, and my mind wanders off to the Dreamland. Pretty much thought of myself as an ADHD patient at this point, but self-diagnose is a form of wrongly assumption, so i'd rather not jumping into that. And holy sht, i can hardly type all of these without my brain scattering it's idea all over the place. I'm really handy at starting things since i have shit ton of ideas? But hardly able to stay with any of these thoughts or idea for long, since i'm easily bored.
A bit of the world's current situation: a virus called Covid-19 has been rampage the whole world with it's symptom are pretty much affect your respiratory. Hard to breath, throat hurts but no cough, etc,... are a few of the basic symptom that helps diagnose the disease itself. You must be lucky to be alive at this point, since the year's 2021, and the pandemic spread throughout the world, thus destroy every country's economy ever since March 2020. It started in Wuhan, China, and pretty much spread over the world with the fact that China has billions of citizen travelling the world, and since the disease started out from an exotic meat selling market, it has high chance to infect people around the area, thus moving towards the global scale. It infects people through breathing the same air, though i haven't heard any of the story that say it goes through blood or bodily fluid like most of the other viruses. Probably bc i went along a strict moral rule to stay indoor, protecting myself and others as well.
A bit of the meal about my life. At this exact moment, i'm a young undergrad university student, who live in a third world country in Asia, learning IT, or a bit more detail, programming. My curriculum takes 4,5 years to finish, but i have sht ton of unpaid credit due to my lazy nature, and easily bored trait. I would rather skipping class to do what i like, than staying in it and listen to professor talks about the subject that they are teaching. But for twenty-ish years i've been existing in this life, i can tell i have no fking idea what i like, aside from learning stupid shit that i found interesting, gaming and for the last 3 years, try to use psychological tricks into communication with people. Pretty weird, taken into account i am a programming uni student? Well, here's why: i chose that major, not because i want to, but more like, a personal reason.
Grown up in a third world country, living through poverty, i can tell that it helps me in a lot of way. It forces me not to waste money, not to waste food, at the same time, it forces me to learn the value of saving for a rainy day. But everything comes with its bad side, it also gave me the pain of growing up poor, of how poverty can affect a person's true nature to its best, how it can shift his actions into something bad in moral, just because of money. My memory can be traced back with just this one exception, once, when i stole money during my grade 3 school year because i couldn't resist the temptation of these sweet and savory snacks sold in front of my school, the temptation of new toys, both old style and new style (technology included, that's what i meant). I stole a good amount of saving money, just because my family were poor back then, and it was a wreck, thus made my childhood a living hell. I mean, not as bad as other's childhood, but in every person's memory who lived through a no-love-included family, i can tell it's the same amount of pain, and fear when they talk about it. Some had it worse, but all can be listed as bad, and painful.
Just a bit of backtracking and my own portfolio for my future self to remember. But i have the right to hope for a better future, right ? Everyone has that part of them who hope whatever it is they are going through, are worth it in the end. That hope can bring them through the dark days ahead. Optimism are great in it's own way, yeah?